Some Things Take 50 Years to Learn

If you had told me, when I was a teenager, that some things take us 40-50 years to learn, I wouldn’t have believed you. Sure, mastering a musical instrument may take 50 years, but a simple lesson or a concept should take the average person no longer than a few minutes, or maybe a couple of hours, if it happened to be particularly complex.

Now I am much older, and perhaps a little bit wiser. 40-50 years have passed since my childhood, and I am still learning new things. Maybe I’m a little slow, or perhaps it’s due partially to the Dunning-Kreuger Effect, but some of these lessons did take (at least for me) 40-50 years to internalize.

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Falling Down

When I was about seven or eight years old, my grandmother came over to visit us. She and my parents were sitting on the patio, and I was running around and playing in the back yard. While running, I fell on the grass, so I simply got up again and continued what I was doing. To my surprise, my grandmother was horrified. She was worried that I may have injured myself. I was baffled by her over-reaction – I fall from time to time, and while falling on a sidewalk does hurt, falling on grass is no big deal. You simply pick yourself up, brush off the grass from your clothes and carry on. The worst part of the experience was getting a lecture from your mother about the grass stains on your clothes.

Now, 50 years later, I completely understand my grandmother’s reaction. Falling at my age is much more serious (even without osteoporosis) – and that’s just from standing or walking, never mind running. I am reminded of this every now and then, when I read about a celebrity who died as a result of a fall.

• Dr. Robert Atkins, the originator of the popular Atkins Diet, died after he slipped on a patch of ice.
• Ann B. Davis, who played Alice on The Brady Bunch, died after a fall in her bathroom. She was 88 years old, but apparently in excellent health for her age.

If you have a morbid curiosity about such things, there is a surprisingly exhaustive list on Wikipedia of famous people who have died as a a direct result of (or from complications due to) an accidental fall.

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The Old Married Couple

As a youngster, I would occasionally hear touching newspaper or television stories about senior citizens who have been married for several decades, and who are still in madly love. The husband will usually remark that his wife is just as beautiful now as she was when they first met, or when they were newlyweds. I would gaze at their photos in disbelief. These were old, wrinkly people, and for the life of me, I just didn’t get it. Surely the husband was merely being kind or extremely diplomatic. The contrast in their appearance was particularly striking when the story included photos of the couple as newlyweds alongside a more current photo. To me, they (like all adults, when I was that age) even looked old in their newlywed photo.

Fast forward 40-50 years… most of my school friends are now in their late 50s and early 60s, and thanks to Facebook, I still keep in touch with many of them. As I peruse their recent photos, I initially thought that everyone in my graduating year was aging particularly slowly – there must have been something magical about us, since people in other grad years (whom I didn’t know as well) seemed to be aging much faster. Surely, the gods were smiling upon my close friends and me.

When I looked at a recent photo of my high school friends, I still saw the teenager in their faces – the face I remember vividly from high school. Logically, I knew that I was looking at a man or woman in his or her late 50s (or even early 60s), but my brain just didn’t perceive someone who was close to their retirement age. This perceptual quirk occurred with photos of both men and women. I decided to dig a little more deeply. After some experimentation, I realized that my closest high school friends (the ones with whom I spent the most time during my adolescence) seemed to look the youngest. In what appeared to be a bizarre case of confirmation bias, it was almost as if I were friends with only those people blessed with anti-aging genes. The people in other grades, whom I knew only casually, looked a bit closer to their actual age.

Now I understand why the husbands in those newspaper articles were still gushing over their wives, even after 40-50 years of marriage. This is not something that you are capable of noticing when you’re young, but as you get older, you will begin to notice it yourself in those who are close to you. Just like the song, the majority of my childhood and high school friends are still Forever Young.

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The Importance of Giving

“No one is useless in this world who lightens the burden of another.” – Charles Dickens

“You haven’t learned how to live until you’ve learned how to give.” – Kirk Douglas

When I was growing up, I would often hear the phrase “It’s better to give than to receive“, from my parents, and from our priest. As a small child, I thought this was absolutely ridiculous advice. There was just no comparison – receiving presents was much better than buying them for others.

This egocentrism and materialistic outlook continued through my adolescence and into my young adulthood. When I was in university, I couldn’t wait to graduate so that I could become fabulously wealthy, make a name for myself, and (just like everyone else at that age) change the world. Around that same time, I used to enjoy watching the television series Lifestyles of the Rich & Famous; in fact, I even found it aspirational. Now, of course, I find this gaudy display of wealth tiresome and unappealing.

So, what happened during these intervening decades?

Over time, I slowly began to realize that people aren’t impressed by how much you accumulate for yourself; they are impressed by how much you give away, or by how much you do for others. This is illustrated wonderfully in Charles Dickens’ book, A Christmas Carol. Ebenezer Scrooge must have accumulated a considerable sum of money during his time working at Scrooge & Marley. However, no one cared how much money he had. It was only after his epiphany, when he started using his means to ease the burdens of others that he was welcomed and celebrated.

I very gradually started to internalize this outlook. A few years ago, I wrote a blog post called The Generosity Coefficient, which examines the importance of giving. Then I wrote The Power of Pay It Forward to encourage others to target their giving more strategically.

Giving doesn’t have to be a monetary donation. It could be the gift of time, or the sharing of your talents, in order to – as Charles Dickens observed – ‘lighten the burden of another.‘ One person who really impresses me is former U.S. President Jimmy Carter. Since leaving office, Carter and his wife Rosalynn have volunteered at Habitat for Humanity for over 35 years. They haven’t merely donated money – they actively participate in the decidedly arduous, and unglamourous work of building houses. They serve others, without any compensation and without fanfare.

Photo credit: Brian Wolowicz, Creative Commons 4.0

According to Wikipedia, Jimmy and Rosalynn Carter have lived in the same house in Plains, Georgia, since 1961. It is the only house they have ever owned. Jimmy Carter also taught Sunday School at the Maranatha Baptist Church, in Plains, Georgia. He did so until 2020, when he stopped due to his declining health and the COVID pandemic restrictions. Jimmy Carter donated his time, labour, and knowledge for decades. He lived a humble life devoted to serving others, and this impresses me far more than a condo on Billionaire’s Row or an ostentatious, jet-setting lifestyle.

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These three things took me 50 years to fully appreciate. I have no doubt that there are other lessons that will take even longer to extract. In the meantime, I’ll strive to continue learning and I’ll add more as soon as I figure them out myself.

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For Gifted People Only

We’ve all heard of gifted children, and you likely know parents who have a gifted child. You may have been one yourself, or your child may currently be enrolled in their school’s gifted children’s programme.

In August, 2021, The Globe & Mail published an opinion piece in which the writer objected to the term “gifted”, and argued that this label should no longer be used for exceptionally intelligent children. Her arguments are as follows:

1. “Gifted” (to her) sounds like “privileged”, which has no place in a modern and diverse country.
2. The word “gifted” implies that (God, I’m assuming) has bestowed a number of blessings upon this child, at birth.
3. Tests to determine whether a child is gifted are based solely on IQ, and doesn’t measure social, or soft skills.
4. Children who aren’t accepted into these gifted programmes will be marginalized.

As you’ve probably guessed, I have my own views on the gifted label, which are dissimilar to hers. One minor example is her argument that children who aren’t enrolled in the gifted programme will be marginalized. According to the Durham District School Board, gifted students make up only 2% of the overall population. Therefore, based on that argument, 98% of society will be marginalized.

However, that’s just a minor quibble. My biggest philosophical divergence is in the way I look at giftedness itself. In my view, there is nothing inherently wrong or offensive about the word gifted. In fact, I think it’s the perfect word to describe what I see. Let’s contrast our views.

I’ll begin with the second argument: The word “gifted” sounds like someone (God, I’m assuming) has bestowed a number of blessings upon this child, at birth.

This is a reasonable interpretation for two reasons:

Biblical influence: The Bible states (in Corinthians 12:10) that God has conferred many gifts upon individuals, including the ability to perform miracles, the gift of prophecy, and the gifts of speaking and understanding multiple languages. If you are religious, then you may assume that your innate talents are not inherited, but are actually a gift from God.

Societal influences: Even if you aren’t particularly religious, authors and Hollywood filmmakers know that many of us harbour a desire to be, not merely special, but “the chosen one”, and this longing manifests itself into many movies. For example, Lord of the Rings, The Hunger Games, Avatar, The Matrix, The Golden Child and the Harry Potter series of books. Many Disney movies also make use of this storyline: a common girl is chosen by a handsome prince to be his bride and live as a princess.

My personal interpretation of the word gifted requires a perceptual shift: if you are gifted, then you are not the recipient; you are a donor. Rather than perceiving a gifted person as being blessed by God, I think instead “You have been given a gift. Now, what are you going to do with it?”. The shift is also one from ego to humility; from a master (of a craft) to a servant. You are not the chosen one; instead, you are a teacher, a mentor, a coach, a renowned expert giving master classes, or even Santa Claus – the ultimate gifted individual.

Possessing a gift also comes with some inherent responsibilities:

Develop and nurture your gift: Your aren’t going to master anything without practice. You may have an aptitude for certain things, but it’s up to you to take what you’ve been given and make it better. Keep learning, keep practising, keep honing your craft.

Share it with others: Now that you’ve developed and polished your gift, I want you to channel your inner Red Hot Chili Peppers and.. give it away, give it away, give it away, now! You must share it as often as possible and with as many people as possible. Pretend that you’ve just won the lottery. You may turn to your family and friends and say “My good fortune is your good fortune!“. That’s the mindset that gifted people should possess.

One advantage you have over Santa Claus is that – unlike a sack full of presents – your gift self-replenishing; it’s the gift that keeps on giving. You can share it as often as you like, and there will always be more to give.

The best part is the happiness that you will experience by helping others. You will have the satisfaction of knowing that your talents helped to enrich the lives of countless people, as you donated your gift over and over again. As Kirk Douglas pointed out “You haven’t learned how to live until you’ve learned how to give.”

Gaia Shrugged

With apologies to Ayn Rand – both for the title, and for taking a position contrary to one of her novel’s themes – this blog post is a tongue-in-cheek creative writing exercise, in which I examine two unrelated news stories, and then try to connect the dots in an unconventional or amusing way.

Story #1 – James Lovelock Dies

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On July 26, 2022, Dr. James Lovelock passed away at the age of 103. If that same sounds familiar to you, it’s because he was the originator of the Gaia Hypothesis. which proposes that the Earth is a self-regulating system. More specifically, the planet itself interacts with all of its inhabitants, forming a self-perpetuating ecosystem that makes it possible for bio-diverse life to thrive. In essence, we and the Earth co-exist as a single organism.

As you know, we humans feel a smug sense of satisfaction by proclaiming that we exist at the apex of the evolutionary ladder. However, for all of our bravado and posturing, we are an incredibly fragile species that can survive only within a very narrow temperature range, pH level, and oxygen concentration (and thus altitude). We are not masters of our domain, but merely guests in someone else’s home. This planet is our genial host, and it is providing us with a comfortable existence. In a sense, it’s nurturing us – by automatically regulating the environment, and keeping everything within an ideal range which allows us to thrive.

James Lovelock’s Gaia Hypothesis brings us right back down to earth, where we belong. It’s humbling, but we need to understand our place in the world, if we hope to live in harmony with it for an extended period of time. If we, as our planet’s guests, misbehave and cause a significant amount of damage, then we will (slowly, but insistently) be shown the proverbial door.

Story #2 – The Earth is Rotating Faster Than Ever

In a seemingly unrelated story, the Earth has mysteriously started spinning faster, and on July 29th, 2022, it just completed its shortest day ever – 1.59 milliseconds less than the standard 24-hour day.

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Connecting the Dots

How could these two stories possibly be connected?

The answer begins with these playground carousels, which some of you may remember fondly from your youth. As your friends started spinning it faster and faster, you had to hang on for dear life – otherwise, you would be thrown off the ride from the centrifugal force.

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According to The Gaia Hypothesis, the Earth itself is a giant living organism, and if it’s alive, then I’m going to assume that it must have some level of sentience. I believe that the organism-Earth had a certain fondness for Dr. Lovelock and his lifelong efforts to make humankind live in ecological harmony. Unfortunately, the cast majority of us didn’t embrace the Gaia hypothesis or its philosophy, and we continued to burn fossil fuels, buy gas-guzzling cars, deplete the ozone layer, mine the planet’s natural resources, deplete the fresh water supply, and pollute the environment.

The planet’s rotation speed has been constant until July 2022, because (in my opinion), it seems that the Earth itself was waiting for Dr. Lovelock to complete his mortal journey. It was the Earth’s way of thanking him for promulgating his hypothesis, and trying to get everyone to view the Earth as a self-sustaining living organism, rather than a inanimate supply of consumable resources. Now that Dr. Lovelock has reached the end of his long and full life, it’s time for the Earth to signal its displeasure with the rest of us. Three days after he died, Gaia shrugged, like a wet dog shaking off the water droplets. The Earth’s rotation speed started to increase, and I believe it will continue to increase until most of us – the remaining gluttonous heathens – are hurled into space.

From an Earth-centric perspective, this accelerating rotation speed makes perfect sense:

• The population will decrease
• Fewer resources will be consumed
• There will be less competition for existing resources
• Less waste and pollution will be produced

This is an excellent example of the Earth as a self-regulating system – which is exactly what Dr. Lovelock had proposed in his Gaia Hypothesis!

We Have Achieved Political Herd Immunity

I’ve been waiting a long time to write this blog post, and as I watched the election results, I wasn’t sure if it would even be published.

First of all, I realize that it sounds strange for me – a Canadian, viewing all of this from a distance – to use the term “we” in the title. However, much of my extended family is American, so I have long felt a strong affinity toward both countries. Your struggle feels genuinely like my struggle.

I actually came up with the term “political herd immunity” about three years ago, well before the coronavirus pandemic started. Now the phrase now seems more appropriate than ever. I was originally planning to devote a large section that explains the concept of herd immunity, but since we’ve all been inoculated in the nomenclature of epidemiology, a brief synopsis is now all that’s necessary. In fact, this chart should be sufficient.

This metaphor, along with equating the current federal government to the coronavirus itself, has already been made countless times. I don’t intend to be unnecessarily disparaging in this blog post; my focus instead will be on the resilience and resolve of Americans, and how we managed to overcome what was arguably a dark period in the nation’s history.

Much like a virus, the unpleasantness – in the form of intolerance and xenophobia – began to spread immediately. In mid-November, 2016, I wrote the following to a friend of mine “The danger, as I see it, is not what Trump is going to do when he assumes power, but what some American citizens are already doing. Trump’s victory has given people the implicit permission to emulate his xenophobia and his intolerance.” Sadly, my prediction came true much earlier than I had anticipated. This Twitter post, entitled Day 1 in Trump’s America, details many examples of racism that occurred during the first week following the 2016 election.

It was a harrowing start, and while things seemed to become progressively worse, we still rose above it all and never lost our resolve. It was a tight race, but in the end we came together, voted, and ensured that all that is good about America triumphed over that which had been allowed to rear its ugly head.

How exactly was political herd immunity accomplished? Via an injection of critical thinking, compassion, respect, tolerance, acceptance, maintaining high standards, and speaking out.

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How We Achieved Political Herd Immunity

Compassion – Sanctuary Cities

A number of cities have declared themselves to be sanctuary cities, and in 2017, California Governor Jerry Brown signed a bill that mad California a sanctuary state.

In Huntington, West Virginia, the First Congregation United Church of Christ has declared itself to be a sanctuary church for undocumented immigrants.

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Calling Out The Lies

Right from the beginning of his presidency, Donald Trump’s public statements contained so many inaccuracies and outright lies – over 20,000 as of July, 2020, according to The Washington Post – that media outlets started doing their own fact checking and publishing the inconsistencies. CNN hired a dedicated fact-checking reporter.

If I may use the words of a 1960s New York Post book review, Dr. Anthony Fauci is “The voice of sanity amid the braying of jackals”. Dr. Fauci provided advice and comfort to an increasingly anxious nation. He continually dispensed the unvarnished truth, kept us up-to-date, and didn’t hesitate to refute any misinformation coming from the White House.

For what it’s worth, Dr. Fauci has my vote for TIME Magazine’s 2020 Person of the Year.

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Righting What’s Wrong

A federal judge struck down a ruling by the Trump administration that would have denied green cards to immigrants who use public services or food stamps.

In June 2020, A federal judge overturned a 2019 Justice Department ruling, known as the Third Country Asylum Rule. It required that immigrants to the United States must first try to claim asylum in another country, or their claim would be rejected. The judge said that this ruling violated the Immigration and Nationality Act.

The Trump administration tried to eliminate protections for migratory birds, and in August, 2020, a federal judge overturned that ruling, stating that it was illegal.

In October 2020, a federal judge overturned a Trump administration ruling that banned the entry of people with H-1B, L-1, H-2B and most J-1 visas. The judge stated that this ruling exceeds Presidential authority and that the president is not a monarch.

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Critical Thinking

Almost all news sources have some reporting bias, and this skewed retelling of events has only been exacerbated with the advent of social media. The Media Bias / Fact Check web site analyzes news web sites to determine their reporting accuracy and left/right bias.

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Taking The Initiative

Rather than wait for instructions from the White House, state governors were taking the bull by the proverbial horns and showing true leadership. During the spring of 2020, Maryland Governor Larry Hogan bought 500,000 face masks from South Korea.

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Maintaining High Standards

New York Governor Andrew Cuomo was often at odds with Donald Trump over his handling of the pandemic. Cuomo felt that Trump’s performance was somewhere between substandard and woefully inadequate, and pushed Trump to do better.

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Late Night TV Humour

Many a truth is spoken in jest, and this is particularly applicable in the world of late night television. Trump’s presidency has provided an abundant, almost nightly source of comedy material. So much so, that one newspaper is wondering what they are going to do now, that the spigot has been turned off.

Alec Baldwin’s repeated portrayal of Donald Trump on Saturday Night Live was so well-received and revered that even Trump himself became jealous of the admiration.

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The Lincoln Project

The Lincoln Project is the political action committee behind numerous political ads critical of the Trump administration. They have received a considerable amount of press coverage, as well as financial support from a number of high-profile donors.

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Speaking Up and Speaking Out

Former CBS journalist and news anchor Dan Rather writes regularly and eloquently to the 2.9 million followers of his Facebook account, calling out the behaviour of the Trump administration, and offering Americans words of hope and encouragement.

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Reporters are now challenging Donald Trump’s statements during his press conferences, and asking follow-up questions until they receive a satisfactory response.

In February 2016, Pope Francis spoke out against the American president, and said he is not a Christian.

In December 2018, Defense Secretary James Mattis resigned, and included a scathing rebuke of the administration in his letter of resignation. Afterwards, former White House Chief of Staff John Kelly also spoke out, and agreed with Mattis.

After using posing with a Bible at St John’s Episcopal Church – and having a crowd of peaceful demonstrators tear-gassed and shot with rubber bullets in the process – the church’s Bishop, Mariann Edgar Budde, had some choice words for the president.

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Finally, We Voted

After four years, we voted, and from what I can tell (as of this writing), in record numbers. We voted for a better, kinder, more considerate future – one that we hope will embody solid American values and ideals. But most importantly, we voted for those who were maligned and oppressed, for those who were harmed or murdered, for those who were torn apart from their families, and for those whose voices were silenced.

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Closing Thoughts

A nation, slowly healing itself, has today crossed the threshold, and stopped this division, defilement and deterioration from spreading any further. During the past four years, the goodness of countless Americans has been bubbling to the surface in myriad ways. It is now time to celebrate a rebirth of kindness, respect and compassion.

Postscript: This list is still a work in progress. There is much to admire about the United States, and more still needs to be added.

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We Are The Adults in the Room

Is it just me, or have our politicians and elected leaders started behaving like overgrown children? I suppose that they always have, to some extent, but now some of their myopic decisions are becoming dangerous – to us individually, to our children, to society, and even to the entire planet.

Fortunately, it’s remarkably easy to reverse the potential damage and then get ourselves back on the right path. All we need to do is remind ourselves that we, the citizens, are now the proverbial “adults in the room”. Knowing that we are the mature, sensible ones gives us more power than you might think.

Here’s how the situation breaks down:

• Our elected officials often behave like children.
• They also expect us to behave like children.
• If we do behave like children, then their decisions will be detrimental to us all.
• However if we show them that we are actually the adults in the room, then they will become (metaphorically) impotent.

First, let’s look at the thought process of a child. If you tell your youngster that s/he can go to bed 30 minutes later tonight, s/he will gleefully accept your offer. If you offer your child a treat as a reward – a chocolate bar, for example – s/he is unlikely to turn that down. On the other hand, if you offer your adult friend – who is a fitness buff – an extra helping of a decadent dessert, s/he will almost certainly decline.

That’s because we’re adults. We know what’s good for us, we understand cause and effect, and we are adept at practising delayed gratification: short-term pain for a long-term gain. We understand and appreciate the freedom and independence that comes with adulthood, but we also know that freedom is tied to an equal measure of discipline. Sure, we can eat chocolate cake and candy bars for breakfast, lunch and dinner, and no one is going to stop us or even admonish us for it. But we don’t, because we know what’s best for us. We know that our health will suffer over the long term, so we eat well-balanced meals. We also go to the gym and exercise regularly, even when no one tells us to.

Here are a couple of lines from a song called I’m An Adult Now, by The Pursuit of Happiness: “I can sleep in until noon any time that I want – but there aren’t many days that I do. Gotta get up and take on that world“. Even the band’s name is significant in this context. If we wish to pursue and achieve happiness as we travel our individual path in life, then we know what we need to do (or not do).

Here’s a glaringly obvious example. If these signs were suddenly removed from your local railway platform, would you now venture close to the edge? Of course not, because you know better. The risk level is unchanged, and therefore your behaviour will also remain unchanged.

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Exercising Sound Judgment

Here’s one adult who recognizes poor judgment, and who knows how to set a good example for the rest of us.

In May 2020, about two months after the coronavirus shutdown, Donald Trump said that he considers places of worship essential, even during the pandemic, and that he wants them all opened. The response, by Father Edward Beck, was perfect: “Mr. President, we don’t need to open churches to practise our faith.“

Father Beck, in his response, has recognized a number of important points:

• Permission is not the same thing as an order.
• Permission does not change what is inherently right and wrong.
• We must do what is right, and not what is easy.
• We are the stewards of the next generation, and they are counting on our wisdom and experience to make the best decisions – for their safety, for society, and for the planet and its resources. We may not be acutely aware of it, but many people are viewing us as role models.

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Exercising Poor Judgment

Sadly, many people aren’t doing this. In this example, an Oregon church held an in-person service because Donald Trump said it was OK. As a result, 236 people contracted COVID-19, and now they’re blaming Trump. Then, in late July, 2020, the Grace Community Church opened to packed services with no masks or social distancing.

This behaviour is baffling to me. We’ve all heard, ad infinitum, during the past five months, that indoor gatherings – especially ones without masks or social distancing – are dangerous. Having someone tell you that it’s OK doesn’t change anything. Neither does having the rest of your community attending church services. As my mother used to tell me during my formative years “If all of your friends decided to jump off a cliff, would you also?“

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Just Because You Can, Doesn’t Mean That You Should

In February, 2016, Donald Trump signed a resolution to permit dumping mining wastewater into waterways. In theory, this resolution should be completely ineffectual, because we are all familiar with the expression “don’t sh*t where you eat“. In this particular case, that expression is no longer a metaphor – it can be taken literally, and almost word for word. This message is directed to the executives of mining companies located near lakes or rivers: you are the adults in the room. You are well aware that dumping wastewater into rivers is abhorrent, and making it legal doesn’t change a thing. This was common sense before, and it’s still common sense now.

In June 2020, the Trump Administration allowed hunting techniques that were previously banned in Alaska, like shooting swimming caribou and using doughnuts to bait bears. Yes, this is disgraceful, but this shouldn’t signal a change in anyone’s hunting behaviour. We already care enough about the northern wildlife to enact these laws. Why would our collective position change? Obviously, it shouldn’t. As former President George H.W. Bush said during his presidential campaign “stay the course“.

In August, 2020, the Trump Administration indicated that oil and gas companies no longer have to detect and repair methane leaks. Methane, besides being poisonous, is a greenhouse gas that’s 84 times more potent as carbon dioxide. The importance of preventing its release into the atmosphere should be blatantly obvious to anyone.

One of the hallmarks of adulthood is that we do things without being told. If the fridge is empty or if the laundry hamper is full, then we do whatever needs to be done. If someone told us that we don’t need to take out the trash anymore, clearly we’re not going to let garbage accumulate inside our house – nobody does that. Similarly, if someone tells you that you no longer have to repair methane leaks in your oil wells, I think you can safely ignore that person’s advice and continue running your company responsibly. We are the adults in the room, and we are unaffected by peer pressure or by those who are a bad influence.

More recently, Donald Trump was dissatisfied with the shower head water pressure in the White House bathroom and stated “So what do you do? You just stand there longer or you take a shower longer? Because my hair – I don’t know about you, but it has to be perfect.” The obvious solution is to buy a standard (higher-pressure) shower head for himself and simply not tell anyone – no one has to know. Unfortunately, Trump wants to change the shower head regulations on a national scale. Even if he succeeds in doing this, it doesn’t have to be a step backwards for water conservation. Just ignore him, remember why we implemented those guidelines in the first place, and keep maintaining your higher standards. We are the adults in the room.

Finally, school boards across Canada and the United States are in a rush to open the classrooms this September and fill them with your children. The news seems to be overrun with stories of inadequate preparations, lax safety precautions, unanswered questions, and sadly, new cases of COVID-19  among the students. It’s an unnecessary risk, but the decision is ultimately yours. As parents, you would do anything to protect your children from harm, so you know intuitively what’s best for them, even if the politicians don’t. You are the adult in the room.

Watching the news is always depressing, but in 2020 it feels particularly bleak. These misguided decisions by our politicians are placing our children at risk, and are rolling back the progress that we’ve made in so many areas. When our elected officials start behaving in ways that might hurt us, our children or our planet, then it’s important to remember that we are, and have always been, the wise ones, guiding with a steady hand. We know right from wrong, and we have the maturity, experience and discipline to remain on the right path. Only children are eager to grab whatever morsels are thrown at them – we adults know better.

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The Coronavirus – Some Novel Ideas

This pandemic has been difficult for all of us, but at the same time, it has also provided some incredibly fertile material for writers. For the past two months, my mind has been going in a dozen different directions, and intriguing story ideas pop into my head with astonishing regularity. If you’re a writer, you could easily spend your entire self-isolation period writing one novel or short story after another. If you’re not sure what to do with all of your free time – start writing! Work on that novel, short story, movie script, blog post, song parody or inspirational poem. Let’s give the rest of the world some creative ways to view our shared experience.

Here are brief summaries of some of the storylines that have been percolating in my brain these past few weeks – stories that could easily be expanded into novels in a variety of different genres..

Angle: Horror movie plot variation
Title: Emergence

Summary: It’s a popular horror movie plot device: a developer builds a subdivision on a cemetery or an ancient burial ground, without bothering to remove the bodies first, or without showing any reverence for a sacred place. Since the Spanish Flu pandemic of 1918, the same thing has been happening all over the world. However, in this allegorical novel – a dissertation against greed and commercialism – there are no evil spirits seeking revenge. Instead, a new type of virus has emerged from the decomposing bodies themselves after they were dug up, and surreptitiously dumped near a local town’s wastewater outlet pipe… wastewater which contained fertilizers, various prescription and street drugs, and an assortment of pre-digested GMO foods.

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Angle: Television script idea
Title: The Big Bang Theory, The Cross-Contamination Conundrum.

Summary: I actually came up with this script storyline several years ago, shortly after Google Glass was introduced, but it’s still relevant today. Sheldon has a friend who is a Google engineer, and he lent Sheldon a prototype of Google Glass for a couple of weeks, to get some feedback and improvement suggestions. Sheldon, of course, found a way to hack into the glasses and write his own apps for it. He wrote an app that makes bacteria and viruses radiate a bluish-green light while someone is wearing these glasses. The effect is similar to shining a UV light on hotel bedsheets – everything that is contaminated glows brightly.

When Sheldon starts wearing the modified glasses, his entire world changes. He can now see which surfaces are contaminated, and he is painfully aware of who hasn’t washed their hands. Of course, no one else knows about his new sensory ability, and he can’t reveal anything because he signed an NDA. Now everyone thinks that Sheldon has suddenly gone off the deep end. Sheldon, on the other hand, is now trapped in his own personal hell. Contamination is everywhere, only he can see it, and he feels that it’s his duty to protect those he cares about… much to their consternation..

Angle: Man vs. Nature literary conflict
Title: Don’t Poke The Sleeping Bear

Summary: Inspired by James Lovelock’s Gaia Hypothesis, Mother Nature is presented as a sentient being, who up until now, has been dormant and tolerating the encroachment of humans into her domain. However, thanks to the industrial revolution, fossil fuel consumption and deforestation, we have finally gone too far, and awakened the sleeping giant. While most of us might assume that climate change would merely cause an equilibrium shift, resulting in a planet with higher temperatures and altered weather patterns, it seems that we underestimated Mother Nature. Possessing an intelligence that we weren’t able to detect, she fought back with this virus – knowing exactly what our responses would be: no flights, limited driving, industry shutdowns and self-isolation. It was a calculated move toward a rapid reduction of our carbon footprint, and her own self-preservation.

But how far will Mother Nature take this retaliation? Will it end when we have learned to live in harmony with our environment? Or as a sentient being, will she now start to exact her revenge?.

Angle: Political thriller
Title: WWIII, Part One and Two

Summary: The dictatorial leader of a fictional foreign power, imbued with equal measures of aspiration and corruption, has his scientists engineer a bio-weapon in a laboratory, and simultaneously, a vaccine for their country’s exclusive use. With no warning at all, the virus is unleashed upon an unsuspecting world. Then, they wait and watch. There are many casualties, but a passable life continues for many countries, thanks to the Internet. Once it is established that the global Internet infrastructure is robust enough to support societies during a pandemic, they deliver their second payload: a cyber-warfare attack directed toward single country, that will bring down its Internet, thus severing its essential communication channels and supply lines, and making it defenseless against an invasion..

Angle: Renegade scientist
Title: The Anti-Vaxxer Purge

Summary: A group of scientists forms a clandestine group on the dark web, to discuss their mutual hatred of anti-vaxxers and the turmoil that their ignorance is causing. They want to show them a world without vaccines, and make them realize what morons they are. So they hatch a diabolical plan that is, at least in their eyes, benevolent. Phase 1: they spend months monitoring all anti-vaccination groups on social media, and write down the names of all of their members. Phase 2: They engineer a devastating virus, and simultaneously, develop a vaccine for it, which they will patent. Phase 3: They release the virus, and start manufacturing the vaccine. Once it spreads around the country, they will then – as a private company – offer the vaccine to anyone who needs it, for a reasonable price… with one caveat of course. If you’re a known anti-vaxxer, then you will shown evidence of your anti-vaxxing social media posts and be denied the vaccine..

Angle: Religious fundamentalism, Biblical apocalypse
Title: Invisible Jesus

Summary: After almost 2,000 years of waiting, one would think that Jesus would receive a hero’s welcome after being born on Earth once again. Perhaps humans were expecting what they were conditioned to see: a white robe, long flowing locks, a beard, and sandals. Maybe they just couldn’t conceive of their saviour dressed in contemporary, or even stylish attire. Despite being a perfect gentleman, and consistently setting a good behavioural example for others, no one paid any attention to this modern-day Jesus (who also had a common first name). He lived into old age, and during his final two decades, it seemed that people everywhere were so busy staring at their phones, that they failed to notice and appreciate the world around them. No one was actually looking for a saviour. After “Jesus” finally died of natural causes, he speaks with his father.

Son: “I have no idea what they claimed to be waiting for, but it obviously wasn’t me. After almost 2,000 years, and billions of proclamations, they’re still a bunch of egotistical twits.“
God: “OK, what do you think we should do?“
Son: “I’ve had it with these people. Let’s wipe them out and start over.“
God: “That wouldn’t be fair – not all of them are bad or even selfish. On the other hand, we could give them the benefit of the doubt and assume that they don’t need saving or a saviour.“
Son: “Father, trust me… these people need guidance. They are hopelessly lost.“
God: “Then let’s try a little experiment instead. If we unleash a new virus, one for which no one has any immunity, then they will need to put aside their differences, help society’s weakest members, and work together to find a cure. Then, they’ll have to share this cure freely in order to save as many people as possible. Selfishness or greed will work against them and will only diminish their numbers, but placing others first and being charitable will save them.“
Son: “No one will know that this is actually a test.“
God: “Of course not. That’s like tidying up your house just before you have guests over. This is a pop quiz – no preparation. But if you know your material, and make it part of your daily habits, then you don’t need to worry.“.

Angle: Renegade scientist
Title: The Amish Experiment

Summary: After a two-week vacation to Pennsylvania’s Amish country, an epidemiologist was so taken with their rustic and contented way of life that he wondered whether it would work on a larger scale. There would be so many advantages: abandoning much of our technology would not only reduce our ecological footprint, it would help us to focus on what’s important in life, and ultimately lead to a more contented existence. Unfortunately, no one is going to give up their high-tech, connected life and live a modest Little House on the Prairie existence – at least not willingly. If only there were a way for force people to slow down this hectic pace, and make them to stay at home for an extended period of time. Before long, everyone would certainly come around to his way of thinking….

Angle: Maniacal sociopath
Title: The Incel Insurgence

Summary: A particularly militant and angry cell of incels (or one led by a deranged leader) has a warped view of the world. Rather than look inward and realize that they need to become better people before they can secure female companionship, they instead blame the rest of the world for their ongoing social rejection and lack of intimacy. They hatch a dastardly plan. This time, they are not going on a killing spree – their ambitions are much grander. They are going to force the rest of the world to enter theirs – one of extended loneliness and isolation. Their twisted scheme has a simple goal: everyone else must walk the proverbial mile in their shoes, and then they will finally see the light. When the danger has finally passed, a new, more understanding and enlightened society will emerge from the social ashes – one that will embrace the incels and finally give them the intimacy they’ve been craving all their lives. At least, that’s what they expect will happen….

Angle: Non-fiction
Title: The Invention That Saved Humanity

Summary: A non-fiction book that compares the 1918 Spanish Flu with the 2020 coronavirus, and credits our response and eventual triumph over it to a single invention: the Internet. This high-speed global network has allowed many of us to work from home and remain employed. We use it to keep in touch with our loved ones (via VOIP, video chats, texting, e-mail). News outlets and television stations are still able to function, which keeps viewers and readers up-to-date. Without this infrastructure in place, leading to an informed (and for the most part, a responsive and educated) public, COVID-19 would have been much more devastating..

Angle: Humour, Satire
Title: Coronavirus Conspiracies

Summary: A lighthearted look at some of the most ridiculous conspiracy theories to emerge from the pandemic, as well as couple that the author simply made up himself. For example “This pandemic is a diabolical plan by shampoo manufacturers to increase their sales. Think about it – if you can’t get a haircut for 6-8 months, then with each passing week you’re going to use more shampoo.”.

Angle: Cheesy romance novel
Title: Viral Love – Finding Romance During Social Distancing

Summary: What’s an eager young woman in her sexual prime supposed to do when society is suddenly depriving her of the human contact she so desperately longs for? There is a tingling deep within her loins – a hormonal call to action – and with each passing week, its calls become increasingly insistent….

Angle: Detective fiction, thriller
Title: The Final Exam

Summary: A novel in the style of The DaVinci Code. The protagonist is a detective who is also a religious scholar, and he believes that the pandemic was caused by God Himself. Initially dismissed as a quack by the scientific and medical communities, he shares some of his compelling research. For years, he studied ancient Biblical manuscripts in their original Aramaic, to eliminate any translation errors, and discovered that the pandemic is actually what fundamentalists believe is the Rapture.

However, those who identify as born-again won’t be plucked up and taken to heaven, while everyone else is left to fend for themselves. That bizarre, self-serving interpretation was not in the manuscripts. Our collective task for the past 2,000 years, was to exist harmoniously, work together and help each other. The Rapture – in the form of this pandemic – is our final exam. If we are going to survive it, then all humans must have learned and practised the lessons in the Bible. We need to work together, help each other with whatever skills we possess, share our resources and knowledge, and most importantly, make individual sacrifices for the common good. If we behave selfishly, then we will fail this final exam, and will eventually perish.

Those are his revelations… but is the rest of the world willing to embrace and adopt this new interpretation of their holy book?

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Note: I designed all of the book covers myself, with the help of a program called Canva. All book cover images are either public domain or Creative Commons.

Who Has a Happier Life? Harry & Meghan, or You?

On January 8, 2020, Harry and Meghan, the Duke and Duchess of Sussex, announced via Instagram that they planned to step away from their royal duties.

The next day, I was listening to a talk radio show, and the host speculated that this desire to step back from their royal duties might be a case of “the grass is always greener”.

This was an interesting hypothesis. While it may not be apparent at first glance, members of the British royal family do live a circumscribed existence. There are endless engagements, and every hour of each day is planned weeks or even months in advance. While they do go on vacations, the security requirements mean that those, too, must be planned well in advance. I imagine that their vacations would also follow a strict itinerary, and any spur-of-the-moment sightseeing trips would be discouraged.

I admit that this is just pure speculation, but perhaps having an American wife who is also a commoner may have made Harry long for the freedom of charting his own path in life. Being born a royal, Harry knew of no other existence. I suppose it’s possible that Meghan opened his eyes to another way of living – the joy of waking up in the morning to a completely blank slate, and being able to spend the day any way you wish – without a staff member handing you a list of engagements.

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The Prince and the Pauper Redux

The most fascinating aspect of this decision is that it appears to be a real-life variation of Charles Dickens’ novel, The Prince and the Pauper. As you know, it is the story of two boys who were born on the same day and who look exactly alike. After a chance meeting, the prince suggests that they wear each other’s clothes, and temporarily switch places. We may be soon experiencing half of this story, as Prince Harry steps back from his royal duties and appears to long for a less rarefied existence.

This got me thinking, and I decided to do a little comparative analysis. Who is living a happier life? British royals, or we, the commoners, living our ordinary and comparatively unglamourous lives?

First, let’s look at the advantages of being born into a royal family:

• You are born with a title, and you may even receive additional titles. Prince Harry is also the Duke of Sussex, the Earl of Dumbarton and the Baron Kilkeel. Prince William can be referred to as the Duke of Cambridge, the Earl of Strathearn or the Baron Carrickfergus. Prince Charles holds the following additional titles: the Prince of Wales, the Earl of Chester, the Duke of Cornwall, the Duke of Rothesay, the Earl of Carrick, the Baron of Renfrew, the Lord of the Isles, and Prince and Great Steward of Scotland.

• You get to grow up in a palace. As an adult, you will still live in a palace, often with subsidized rent, or even rent-free.
• You have a staff to attend to your every need. About 1500 people work in Buckingham Palace which means that you won’t need to worry about mundane things like grocery shopping, cooking, washing dishes, laundry, ironing, vacuuming, taking out the garbage, cutting the grass, gardening, home repairs, car maintenance or returning library books before the due date so you won’t have to pay a fine.
• You won’t need to look for a job, or worry about updating your resume.
• You’ll have a 24/7 security detail.
• Inconsiderate drivers will no longer frustrate you, since someone else will be driving you around.
• Mundane financial expenses are no longer a concern. You won’t need to save for your retirement, save for your kids’ education, pay down your student loans, eliminate your credit card debt, save for a down payment on a house, worry about sticking to a monthly budget.
• People bow or curtsy when they meet you, and call you “your royal highness”.
• You have millions of social media followers.

• Shops will often sell out of a particular dress, simply because you wore it to a public even the week before. Your wardrobe choices may even start fashion trends.
• You get to travel all over the world – flying in a private jet and staying in luxurious hotel suites.
• Almost everything you will be newsworthy, which must be a tremendous ego boost.
• And finally, closet space… lots and lots of closet space for your expansive and enviable wardrobe.

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And now, here are some of the advantages that we have over members of the royal family.

• Unscheduled time. We don’t have people planning every hour (or minute) of our days. We may have many responsibilities, but are ultimately free to do what we want with our time.
• The luxury of choosing a career. We can use our talents (along with a strong work ethic) to make our mark upon the the world. At the pinnacle of our career, we can look back with the satisfaction of knowing that it was all earned, and not merely handed to us.
• We won’t have to deal with the scrutiny of the tabloid press and the paparazzi, monitoring everything we do and speculating on our motives, often in most unflattering ways. We won’t need to display a consistently happy public face.
• Our ancestry (in most cases) won’t be an issue. Meghan Markle has been unfairly and regularly denounced by the British press because of her ethnic heritage. In my opinion, this is something that should be beneath any media outlet – even the tabloids.
• As private citizens, we (generally) don’t need to worry if some psycho is going to harm us. We won’t need to constantly be on guard or hire a security team to surround us whenever we venture outside.
• We can see people for who they are. In The Prince and the Pauper, the prince dresses as a commoner and mingles unrecognized with his subjects to find out what they really think of him. He knows that he doesn’t have this ability (to see the truth as the commoners do) so he devises a way to give himself this power. People behave differently toward celebrities and persons of influence – they will be on their best behaviour, putting on airs and laughing at everything you say. It’s nauseatingly manufactured. As an ordinary citizen, we get to witness everyone’s true character. We see a truth in others that is hidden from famous people.
• Our friends are genuine. We know they like us for who we are, and not because our presence elevates their standing, or because we might catapult them into a higher social stratum.
• Finally, one of the most important aspects of our lives is something that we hardly ever notice: anonymity. It’s the ability to walk into a store, shop and browse to your heart’s content, while remaining unrecognized and unaccosted. It’s the opportunity to sit on a park bench and read a book, undisturbed. It’s the joy of wandering around any town or city and getting a sense of its true character. We should revel in our anonymity, because we can enjoy every day what the Duke and Duchess cannot. The next time you’re out in public, pretend that you are Harry or Meghan and imagine how difficult it would be to do run your errands, or to simply enjoy an afternoon stroll.

Which lifestyle seems more desirable? Who, in your opinion, leads a happier life – the Duke and Duchess, or you? As for me, I’m quite content living a low-key, low-stress and decidedly unglamourous existence as a complete unknown. The grass is indeed greener under my feet.

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