Did Carly Simon Predict the Path of the 2024 Solar Eclipse?

Back in 1972, Carly Simon released the song You’re So Vain. While everyone was wondering who this mystery man was, I decided to examine this song from an astronomical and meteorological angle. I am going to propose that Carly Simon actually predicted the 2024 solar eclipse in this song. Not only did she predict the eclipse, but she also specified the best location to view it. What follows is my brief, tongue-in-cheek analysis.

For over 50 years, people everywhere were studying this song’s lyrics, and wondering “Who was this mystery person? Was it Warren Beatty?“. In 2010, after hearing a new recording of the song, people thought it might be David Geffen. However, this was merely a smokescreen, designed to keep the general public occupied. The real message in the song is actually contained in the following lines:

Then you flew your Learjet up to Nova Scotia
To see the total eclipse of the sun.

The song’s true meaning is quite obvious. There’s nothing hidden or secretive at all. In fact, regarding Carly Simon’s musical message: she’s so plain.

That alone is impressive enough, but there’s more. Not only did she predict an eclipse in this song, but she also predicted its path of totality. How accurate was her prediction? Let’s look at the path:

At first glance, it would seem that her prediction was close but not a perfect match. The path of totality appears to brush right past Nova Scotia. If I were to ask Maxwell Smart for his opinion, he would probably say…

However, if we zoom in on this map. something interesting is revealed. Take a look at this enlarged version of the north-eastern tip of Nova Scotia.

As you can see, there is a small area that does lie within the path of totality. Carly Simon was right all along – you can view a total eclipse of the sun from Nova Scotia! It would seem that this mystery man, after parking his Learjet at the nearest executive airport, made his way to this particular location.

The Weather

After making this pilgrimage, you don’t want to be disappointed by an overcast sky. What will the weather conditions be like on April 8, 2024? Again, Carly Simon has left us a clue, demonstrating that she has the uncanny ability to predict the weather 52 years in advance.

“I had some dreams they were clouds in my coffee…”

Carly Simon’s web site decodes the meaning of this line “It came from an airplane flight that I took with Billy Mernit, who was my friend and piano player at the time. As I got my coffee, there were clouds outside the window of the airplane and you could see the reflection in the cup of coffee. Billy said to me, ‘Look at the clouds in your coffee’.“

Here’s my take: If you’re flying in your Learjet to Nova Scotia to see the total eclipse of the sun, and you see clouds in your coffee, then obviously there will be some cloud cover in that general vicinity. Of course, how much cloud cover, and whether those cloud will move across the path of totality and obscure the eclipse, will depend on the wind speed and the wind direction. In order to determine how likely this is, we shall employ Occam’s Razor, rather than (often unreliable) meteorological forecasts.

Only this guy knows for sure, and he’s not going to reveal anything until the moment itself is upon us. Nope, he’s not going to be kind and satisfy our curiosity, or give us any hints in advance. He’s keeping all of this information to himself.

I tell ya.. he’s so vane!

The La La Montage

You’ve probably noticed that some rock and pop songs contain the words “la la”, which I’ve always assumed was a placeholder, indicating that the songwriter or lyricist was still trying to come up with just the right words for that part of the song. To me, “la la” was the Lorem Ipsum of contemporary music lyrics. However, According to this article, phonemes that carry no specific meaning allow the listener’s mind to wander for a little while, as they become immersed in the song’s story.

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I’ve noticed that quite a few songs contain “la la”, so I decided to create a music montage made up entirely of this single word. There are 11 short song excerpts in this montage. See if you can guess the artist and the song title of each one, and post your guesses in the comments. All of the samples are from very popular pop and rock songs from the late 1960s to the mid-1980s.

As usual, there are two versions of the montage. The easy version contains one second of silence between each sample, and the other more challenging version does not.

The La La Montage

The La La Montage (with silence between samples)

An S.J.W. Listens to P.Y.T.

This week I decided to give myself a creative writing exercise: release your inner Social Justice Warrior! Become horribly offended by something that you used to enjoy when you were younger. In this exercise, I decided to pick a random song, and that song has to fit the following criteria:

• It must be at least one generation (20-25 years) old.
• It must have been fairly popular in its day, and not something obscure.
• It must be fairly innocuous, and not contain any scandalous lyrics (for its time).

I set my MP3 player on Shuffle Play, and as luck would have it, a promising candidate popped up within 4-5 songs: P.Y.T. by Michael Jackson, from his 1982 album, Thriller. This is going to be a challenge, because I bought the Thriller CD back in the 1980s, and I’m quite fond of this song.

Nevertheless, here goes… [adjusting SJW hat]

Some songs just don’t age well, and Michael Jackson’s P.Y.T. is one of them. I listened to it recently, and I am outraged! Aghast! I am so deeply, deeply offended, and if you are as sophisticated, sensitive and enlightened as I, then you should be as well.

First, let’s examine the title: P.Y.T (Pretty Young Thing). Every word in this song’s title is hurtful!

Pretty: This word sums up the typically shallow way that men evaluate women: by physical attractiveness. The lure of the fairer sex is only skin deep, and they don’t bother examining any further.

Young: I realize that society in general seems to idolize youth, but this word implies that only young women are valued by men, disregarding all older women. Men today should read Benjamin Franklin’s Advice to a Young Man on the Choice of a Mistress, in which he explains why older women make more suitable extramarital companions.

Thing: This is a heinous literal objectification – it’s just outrageous! A woman isn’t even thought of as a person, but merely a thing. This is taking the hackneyed concept of “women as sex objects”, and elevating it to a vile, unpalatable new plateau.

Finally, this song is known by its initials – a clever and insidious way to cloak all of its unpleasantness, as 1980s disc jockeys foist its misogynistic messages on an innocent and unsuspecting public.

Lyric snippet #1: “I Want To Love You (P.Y.T.), Pretty Young Thing“. Jackson gets right to the point: he wants to get physical, and not in the Olivia Newton-John way, where she first takes you to an intimate restaurant, and then to a suggestive movie. No, he’s not wasting any time – as soon as he lays eyes on her, he just wants to go for it. Now, you could argue that this was a popular sentiment among young men during the 1980s. In order to test this hypothesis, let’s look at another popular song from that time: Howard Jones – Like to Get to Know You Well. Howard Jones wanted to get to know a woman first, on a personal level, before doing anything physical.

Lyrics snippet #2: “Let me take you there“. Where exactly do you want to take her, Michael? Like a good Social Justice Warrior, I’m going to speculate wildly, but my guess would be “the promised land” – the ultimate fantasy destination of horny teenagers and lustful young men since the dawn of time.

Lyric snippet #3: “Let me take you to the max“. What could he mean by this? Let me be charitable and suggest that he wants to take you to Mac’s Milk, to buy you a milkshake, a bag of candy, or some other treat. Traditionally, men will spend money (and usually quite a bit) on their romantic interests during courtship. This is expected. But not in this song… there’s no mention of spending any money or any references to a courtship – it sounds to me like he simply wants you know what…

Lyrics snippet #4: “Pretty young things, repeat after me, I said ‘Na na na, na na na…'”. Notice the plural: things. He is no longer limiting himself to a single woman. Could he be hinting at a ménage-à-trois? No, I think it’s far more insidious than that. This is clearly cult-like behaviour, and Jackson is playing the part of a modern-day Svengali who is amassing a legion of followers. Consider this: adherents of the Hare Krishna religious movement are known for their repetitive mantra “Hare Rama, Hare Rama, Rama Rama, Hare Hare…“. Commanding women to repeat this nonsensical monosyllabic “Na na na” chant over and over is obviously (to me, the sensitive SJW) an attempt to brainwash them, so that they can do his bidding. By listening to this song, and by singing along to the lyrics, you are inviting yourself to fall under this cult-like spell. Take my advice – Don’t do it. If you start chanting “Na na na..“, even absentmindedly, you may find eventually yourself at the airport, with a shaved head, wearing an orange robe, shaking a tambourine and handing out pamphlets.

Finally, P.Y.T. just happens to be the first three letters in “python”, which seems rather fitting. Any man who views women merely as pretty young things is obviously a lecherous, licentious, slimy snake, who, just like his constricting serpentine namesake, will probably squeeze all of the happiness out of every woman unlucky enough to encounter him. There can be no other interpretation.

In conclusion, I’m sure that all sensitive and enlightened people will agree with me that P.Y.T. must be banned from the airwaves, and deleted from your playlists immediately. There are just too many dangerous and misogynistic messages contained within it. We, as a community, should all be ashamed of ourselves for listening to it (and enjoying it) back in the 1980s. As a Social Justice Warrior, it’s my full-time job to tell everyone else in society how much they suck, so let me say this: if you listened to P.Y.T. even once, since 1982, then you are a bad person. If you actually enjoyed the song or if you bought a copy of Thriller, then you are particularly egregious.

Yes, I realize that I bought (and still own, and still listen to) a copy of Thriller. I would go to confession myself, and beg the priest for forgiveness… if only the churches weren’t all closed due to the pandemic.

Note: This was a creative writing exercise, written solely for your amusement. I’m not, even for a second, suggesting that anything written here represents Michael Jackson’s actual views toward women.

The Byrds, Darwin and COVID-19

During the final week of 2020, one of my Facebook friends posted a short video clip of herself, taking a stroll through her neighbourhood. As she reflected upon the past year, the pandemic, and the changes to just about every facet of our lives, she was reminded of a Bible verse that she had read recently: Ecclesiates 3:1. She added that the verse helped her come to terms with a world that has changed so completely in less than a year: “To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose.“

If this phrase sounds familiar, it’s because these words are also part of the chorus of the Byrds’ 1965 hit, Turn! Turn! Turn! This song may be 55 years old, but its lyrics are surprisingly relevant (and even helpful) in a coronavirus-ravaged world.

Right now, some of you music aficionados may be thinking “Wait a minute – why are you crediting The Byrds? Those song lyrics aren’t original – they (except for the final two lines) were copied almost word-for-word from Ecclesiates 3, verses 1-8!“. Yes, I realize that, but no one is going to listen to me if I start quoting scripture, waving a Bible and exclaiming “Behold and heed my words, fine townsfolk, for it is written!“. Most people will be more far more receptive to taking a deep dive into the lyrics of a popular mid-1960s anti-war song instead.

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Is This Song a COVID-19 Survival Guide?

While it’s tempting to adopt a tabloid style of writing and say things like “Did The Byrds leave behind a road map for dealing with COVID-19?“, it’s better to take a more analytical view. What I see in the lyrics, is an application of Charles Darwin’s trademark phrase for describing natural selection: survival of the fittest (a term coined not by Darwin, but by English philosopher Herbert Spencer). Being the fittest doesn’t mean being the strongest, physically – the ones who have the best chance of surviving are those who can most easily adapt to changes in their environment.

The key to survival – whether in Darwin’s time, or today – is taking regular inventory of our surroundings, and then modifying our behaviour accordingly. During extraordinary times, some of our old habits – shaking hands, hugging – may no longer be appropriate, or even safe.

“A time you may embrace, a time to refrain from embracing”. In challenging times, we will naturally place more emphasis on the importance of our family, extended family and friends. These are the constants in our lives and a source of love, comfort and reassurance. After 9/11, everyone held their loved ones a little closer. It is difficult to imagine any circumstances in which it would be prudent to refrain from embracing… yet here we are.

The Deadly Irony

Since the song lyrics are Bible verses, one would think that churches across the country would be the first to seize upon and promulgate the wisdom and advice contained in those lyrics. Since the coronavirus pandemic started, most places of worship have ceased their in-person gatherings, and have comforted their parishioners by saying “We don’t need to gather in-person, because God is everywhere“. Sadly, many places still have not, and this behaviour absolutely confounds me. In July, 2020, One pastor defended keeping his church open by saying “We are not a non-essential service“. More recently, in January, 2021, a church in Waterloo, Ontario held in-person services, and its pastor argued “Look, we can’t close the church doors in a time of despair.” These stances just reeks of hubris, which as you know, is one of the Seven Deadly Sins. In fact, according to Wikipedia, hubris is the most egregious of them. Placing the lives of your parishioners at risk in this way is, in my opinion, unconscionable.

Image credit: Patrick Sweeny, Wikimedia Commons

“A time to gain, a time to lose”. We humans may sit comfortably at the summit of the evolutionary pyramid, but we – especially the anti-maskers and the wilfully-blind religious leaders – need to recognize that there are forces in the world that are far greater than we are. This is the time to show some humility and flexibility. This pandemic is not a battle of the wills. The more arrogant we are, the more we will eventually suffer. Some of us will die. Worst of all, our arrogant behaviour will cause innocent people to catch the coronavirus. All for a public display of ego, and a misguided belief that our rights are being infringed. Think about Matthew 23:12 “And whosoever shall exalt himself shall be humbled.”

“A time to be born, a time to die”. I have a message for those who insist on keeping their churches open during a pandemic: As a religious leader in your community, you have a responsibility to protect your flock, and by keeping your church open, you are encouraging people to attend in person. Consider creating a YouTube channel to deliver your sermons each week. This format has the advantage of receiving and replying to user comments, which can be used as a forum to address concerns, answer questions and provide additional context. Channel Charles Darwin, and adapt to these changing times. Follow the advice of Ecclesiastes, and show your parishioners that you actually practice what you preach.

The season has arrived, and it’s time to adapt to our new circumstances. So don’t be a bird-brain… be a Byrd-brain instead.

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Name That Drumbeat 3

When I was a teenager, radio stations would often have “Name That Tune” contests – they would play a series of ten short song excerpts, and encourage their listeners to call the station and identify as many titles (and artists) as they could, in order to win concert tickets or some other prize. Although I listened to the radio as much as any other teenager, I found these sound clips to be frustratingly short – often less than a second each – and I had great difficulty identifying even one or two songs, much less the ten required to win a prize.

Recently, I started thinking about those contests and what exactly was triggering our memory. The sound clips were far too brief for us to recognize a melody, so we must have been memorizing the raw audio itself. If this is true, then I should be able to assemble a montage of drumbeats (from well-known pop songs), and an avid music fan should be able to identify them as easily as the snippets of music. This is why the Internet is so wonderful – I can now do this experiment right here on my blog; I don’t need my own radio station.

This is the third in a series of drumbeat montages. There are two audio variations. Each one contains ten drumbeat samples from ten different well-known popular songs from the 1960s to the 1990s. The drumbeat samples are exactly the same, except that there are no gaps between the samples in the first audio file, which makes it more challenging. The second audio file has one second of silence inserted between each sample, so they should be easier to identify.

Please enter your guesses in the comments section below, and let me know how easy or difficult you found this musical game.

Drumbeat Montage 3

Drumbeat Montage 3, with gaps between samples

Name That Drumbeat 2

When I was a teenager, radio stations would often have “Name That Tune” contests – they would play a series of ten short song excerpts, and encourage their listeners to call the station and identify as many titles (and artists) as they could, in order to win concert tickets or some other prize. Although I listened to the radio as much as any other teenager, I found these sound clips to be frustratingly short – often less than a second each – and I had great difficulty identifying even one or two songs, much less the ten required to win a prize.

Recently, I started thinking about those contests and what exactly was triggering our memory. The sound clips were far too brief for us to recognize a melody, so we must have been memorizing the raw audio itself. If this is true, then I should be able to assemble a montage of drumbeats (from well-known pop songs), and an avid music fan should be able to identify them as easily as the snippets of music. This is why the Internet is so wonderful – I can now do this experiment right here on my blog; I don’t need my own radio station.

This is the second in a series of drumbeat montages. There are two audio variations. Each one contains ten drumbeat samples from ten different well-known popular songs from the 1960s to the 1990s. The drumbeat samples are exactly the same, except that there are no gaps between the samples in the first audio file, which makes it more challenging. The second audio file has one second of silence inserted between each sample, so they should be easier to identify.

Please enter your guesses in the comments section below, and let me know how easy or difficult you found this musical game.

Drumbeat Montage 2

Drumbeat Montage 2, with gaps between samples

The Thank You Montage

First of all, a big thank you to my friend Derek, who came up with this theme idea! This montage is a collection of rock and pop songs (mostly from the 1970s) whose lyrics include the words “thank you”. Live performances during which the musicians thank the audience after the song, don’t count.

See how many song titles and artists you can guess from these brief snippets of the vocalists singing “thank you”. As always, there are two versions of the montage: one with a one-second gaps between each sample, and one without.

The Thank You Montage

The Thank You Montage (with silence between samples)