A view of the world from my own unique perspective

Random Thoughts

This is a regularly-updated collection of observations that are too short to be full-fledged blog posts.

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Dentures

We all know that young, attractive models are used to sell just about everything these days, but the implication is generally that these models either use (or could conceivably use) the product themselves. Unless this young lady is a boxer or a hockey player, I really don’t think she’s wondering which dentures are right for her…

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Cheese Top Burger

Ever get the feeling that the product development people at some fast food chains have simply run out of ideas?

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Patty Hearst Dog Show

“A dog she co-owns…”. Sheesh – can’t a member of the incredibly wealthy Hearst family afford to buy an entire dog?

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I’m always hesitant when buying a bottle of Liquid Plumr or Drano because it means that I have to go against the oft-repeated advice my parents: don’t pour your money down the drain.

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What marketing genius decided to add the words “Squeeze Me” to Wonder Bread packaging? This has long been one of my top supermarket pet peeves. Whenever I’m in the bread section, I’m invariably waiting behind a middle-aged or elderly shopper who – rather than look at the expiry date printed on the tags – insists on squeezing every loaf of bread, in order to find the freshest one. After finishing their lengthy evaluation process, my task now becomes finding the loaf with the fewest or least-noticeable thumb indentations.

Wonder Bread – you’re tormenting me!

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Doughnut

I think that doughnuts should be given out in church, since they are holier than Communion wafers.

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I always like being down to my last vitamin pill, because I can turn the bottle completely upside down, and only one pill falls into my palm – just like on the TV commercials!

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ZZ Top band members (L-R): Dusty Hill, Billy Gibbons, Frank Beard. Decades later, this irony still makes me chuckle… :o)

ZZ Top

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I’m sure you’ve heard the expression “step out of your comfort zone”. Now, take a look at this photograph:

Comfort Zone

Now to be fair, this isn’t *my* comfort zone – I don’t actually own the store – but I hope that you’ll still find this photo profoundly moving and inspirational. Top motivational speakers will charge you hundreds of dollars to tell you step out of your comfort zone – I’m not only giving you all of this inspiration for free, but I’m also demonstrating just how easy it is! Yes, this is indeed a testament to what we can accomplish if we set our minds on something.

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There is an old expression “necessity is the mother of invention”. However, as this Hierarchy of Needs diagram illustrates, invention is the mother of necessity.

Maslow's WiFi Hierarchy

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Why are they still called toppings when they go inside the panzerotto?

Panzerotto Toppings

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Am I the only one who thinks that “live on the scene” reporting is becoming utterly ridiculous? I know the phrase sounds dramatic, but look at this example from the evening news.

A reporter is covering the ongoing Rob Ford fiasco at Toronto’s City Hall, on November 14, 2013. Now look behind him. It’s dark outside, Nathan Phillips Square is completely empty, and there is absolutely nothing going on. Rob and Doug Ford have gone home; the council members have gone home; the hundreds of protestors left hours ago. There’s nothing to see, and no one left to talk to – yet there he is, reporting “live on the scene” at 11:37pm.

Live On The Scene

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The worst place to shop on Boxing Day has to be the dollar store. Everything is still a dollar – I felt so ripped off !

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Why is no one sitting here? I guess it must be used only… periodically.

Periodic Picnic Table

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Registered Dietitian DayOf all the jobs and professions, only one is always portrayed in the media with a built-in qualifier: dietitian. Whenever you see one on television, s/he is always referred to as a “registered dietitian”, as if we wouldn’t follow her advice otherwise. No one else – even those whom we trust with our very lives, such as a pilot or a surgeon – is obligated to include this reassurance in their job title.

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Yes, I know my complaint is 30 years too late, but I really think that Billy Idol needs to work on his pronunciation. Whenever I listen to Rebel Yell, this is my mental image.

Rebel Yell

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I’m surprised that no one has invented a shampoo that deliberately causes split ends. I’d buy an entire case, since it would make me look like I had twice as much hair!

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I took a few steps down the supermarket aisle, stopped, and then inhaled deeply. I thought to myself “That fragrance – it’s so familiar. It reminds me of the Hotel California!”

Supermarket Aisle

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Perhaps middle-age is approaching, but I must admit – that Barry Manilow sounds better and better with each passing year!

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The new (2013) Canadian $5 bill will be made out of polymer and have a space theme, which means that I’m going to save a few of the current $5 bills to show my American friends, and tell them “You have historic buildings on your currency, but up in Canada we put pictures of hockey players on our money!”.

New Five Dollar Bill

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Our moon doesn’t have a name. The moons of the other planets all have incredibly cool, celestial-sounding names, like Io, Europa, Oberon, Callisto and Titan. You’d think that we would reserve the best name for ourselves and give the other planets the names on our reject pile. Really – is “The Moon” the best that our scientists and astronomers can do?

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Hey… iron’t you the Prince of Wales? :o)

Notice the jubilant look on Charles’ face – this is probably the first time in his life that he’s ever ironed something, and the novelty most likely amuses him. On the other hand, Kate – who grew up as a commoner – approaches this task with all of the excitement and enthusiasm that it deserves.

Ironing

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Here’s another sign that middle-age is approaching: when grocery shopping, you notice a display of Pepsi in “retro packaging” and think to yourself “This isn’t retro – this is what Pepsi is supposed to look like!”

Pepsi Display

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I saw this at the Orangeville RibFest – a chartreuse microbus!

Pop culture quiz: (without Googling) I now have the urge to listen to what 1970s song? Hint: I didn’t look inside the bus, but if I had, I’m sure that I would have seen eleven long-haired friends of Jesus.

Chartreuse Microbus

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Sure, this may look cool posted on Facebook or other social media sites, but those who actually get this hairstyle may have some difficulty in job interviews, and after an extended period of unemployment, will probably end up – on the Dole…

Pineapple Hairstyle

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This neighbourhood ESSO station is just calling out for a witty caption. How about this: “This gas station, located across the street from this year’s DEFCON conference, is offering a special price for attendees” :o)

ESSO Station

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This is not a page from an old 1980s catalogue – this is a new item from a catalogue I received in the mail this year (2013). Let’s face it: streaming audio and MP3s are so passé. These days – as anyone with their finger on the pulse of popular culture knows – people carry their music collection with them on cassette tapes.

It’s not only functional, but incredibly well-designed too. The clear poly/vinyl sides let you peek inside. Unfortunately, cassette labels are printed on the long edges of the cases, and will be obscured completely by the black vinyl cover. The elongated shape, plus the handles that force you to carry it horizontally (rather than vertically and against your body) will get you noticed on public transit (or simply walking down the street) as you intrude on the personal space of everyone around you.

Cassette Case

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Whenever I have a doctor’s appointment, my doctor always greets me with “Hi Robert, how are you?”. This is a difficult question. If I say “fine”, as social convention dictates, then he could very well counter with “Then why are you here?”, which would then place me in an awkward situation. I now understand why Sheldon Cooper has such difficulty with smalltalk.

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Financial analysts always talk about “the magic of compound interest”. There is nothing magical about it, to those who are reasonably numerate.

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